A Failed Attempt to End My Marriage Using a Scrabble Game
I have tried to end this marriage many times but I can’t seem to get the words out. Naturally, I am depending on a game that’s all about spelling words. Sure, it may be passive aggressive, but ending my marriage by spelling out my intentions on a game board by using only small tiles just seems easier.
I tried to spell the word DIVORCE but the only letters I had spelled out DICE. My husband said “oh you’ll be rolling the dice alright; try finding a decent health insurance plan without me.”
He added a few letters going up and down from my I and ended up spelling “Tim,” which everyone knows is wrong and you can’t use someone’s formal name. It is so strange because that’s the name of the man I’m having an affair with. What a coincidence.
My next word was going to be OVER but if I added another letter I could hit the triple score so I ended up using MOWER and he said “maybe Tim can start mowing the yard after I leave.”
You are not going to turn this around on me, damnit.
Next was my husband’s turn. I see his expression instantly turn from intense concentration to sheer joy as he arranges the letter on the board. He plays the word SINGLE with the G on a double letter score. He was grinning.
I take a moment to compose myself. All this time I had imagined how this would go, explaining my thinking by using tiny blocks of wood as my sounding board. But everything was wrong and this is unacceptable. I am not okay with being played at my own game. Perhaps telling him over scrabble was a terrible idea. He’s a much better speller and I am stuck with the letters Z and Q. I cannot get a divorce by way of zebra.
The air was thick with anticipation. My armpits were sweating. I wasn’t sure what I was even doing. I could only spell EGGS with the letters I had, which does nothing in way of effective communication about my desired objective.
“I guess someone likes them over hard,” he said. Then he put the word NO in front of DICE which is technically two words but I didn’t point that out.
I can see now that Monopoly would have been a much better choice.
